As parents of teenage boys, what do WE need?

I recently asked ChatGPT what parents of teenage boys need, and this was the response I got:

“Parents of teenage boys need understanding, patience, and effective communication skills. Navigating the turbulent waters of adolescence can be challenging, particularly as boys grapple with identity formation, peer pressure, and hormonal changes. It's crucial for parents to provide a safe and supportive environment where their sons feel comfortable expressing themselves and seeking guidance. Setting clear boundaries and expectations while also allowing room for independence and growth is essential. Additionally, parents should educate themselves about teenage development, actively listen to their sons' concerns, and offer guidance without judgment. Building trust and fostering open communication lays the foundation for a strong parent-teenager relationship, which is vital during this transformative phase of life.”

Of course this is all true. It clearly lays out what parents of teenage boys need to DO and how we need to BE, but it says nothing about what parents actually NEED while they are parenting. After a writing hiatus that was for no good reason other than summer craziness that turned into fall schedule changes, I am coming back to regular writing about parenting teenage boys. In my time off from writing and a summer that included three boys (one of whom has now aged out of being an official teenager) being back at home, I have thought a lot about what parents of teenage boys need and what I can provide by my writing. So for new and old subscribers alike, here are my five core principles moving forward for this Substack on parenting teenage boys:

1) Knowledge

In the age of the Instagram influencer, a lot of parenting information out there, while useful to some, is not rooted in research. Some information put forth by “influencers” may even be harmful. My goal is to try to dig for parenting research and make it easy to consume. A lot of parents of teenage boys struggle because they don’t know what to expect, so I hope to continue to use this space to provide knowledge that many of us need as we continue along this parenting journey.

2) Support

Parenting teenage boys can be an isolating experience with difficulty knowing to whom to turn when we have problems. It can be hard to discuss your teenage son’s struggles with your friends or other family members, because who wants to admit their son is having trouble? My approach to writing this Substack comes from a place of support in my role as a psychologist. I want parents of teenage boys to know there are trained professionals who can provide help and support along the way.

3) Camaraderie

In addition to support, I think it is important for parents of teenage boys to know that there are others out there going through the same struggles. Even as a psychologist, there have been times in my own parenting journey that I have felt incredibly isolated, like I am the only one dealing with a specific problem. One of the reasons I started writing about parenting teenage boys was to assure others that we are, in fact, all in this together. Community is crucial to well-being and is especially needed during the turbulent waters of parenting teenage boys.

4) Escape

For subscribers, these posts get sent automatically via email. My hope for my writing this weekly newsletter about parenting teenage boys is that each reader gets just a quick 5 minute escape from whatever it is that is consuming them during the day. Sometimes just a brief break can provide a reset, and parents of teenage boys need that escape every chance they can get. Not all of us can take a vacation to get away, but taking a few minutes to read what someone else has written can provide an escape from the realities of our own daily life. When we parent teenage boys, we can become consumed with logistics and problem-solving and worry about the future, but take these few minutes to escape.

5) Joy

As a clinical psychologist, I am trained to look for and treat dysfunction. Talking about the hard parts of parenting teenage boys is useful and necessary, but I also want to encourage each of us to focus on the joy of parenting teenage boys. There can be joyful moments even in the most difficult of times and I want to try to recognize those, for myself and for my readers, because we all need to focus on what joy we can find.