Our youngest son starts high school in the fall. While faced with the realization that he only has a few more years at home, after having gone through this transition twice before with our older sons, we realize that we have to start letting him have more freedom while also continuing to try to guide him along the way. Soon he’ll be driving and if we blink he’ll be heading off to college. But as parents we are trying to savor every moment. The current school year is ending and we all looking forward to summer break. While we are looking forward to summer, here are five things we will try to keep fresh on our mind, as parents, before our youngest teenage son heads to high school:
1- Support his interests
If you haven’t been faced with it yet, high school will likely show you parts of your son that you’ve never seen, as he moves more quickly toward adulthood. Staying connected with your teenage son means acknowledging and supporting his interests, even when they may not align with YOUR plan for his future. If he is more musically inclined and less science inclined, like you had hoped, embrace that and support him in his endeavors. It can be tricky but high school is the time to recognize that your son is his own individual.
2- Resist the urge to contact his teachers
High school is not the time to micromanage your son’s education. Sure, if there are significant concerns and you need support you can send that e-mail, but resist the urge to regularly contact your son’s teachers. Once in high school, he is expected to manage his academic affairs. You may think it is part of your job to support him, but if your son does not learn to take care of his responsibilities and advocate for himself, then what will he do once he finishes high school and faces challenge?
3- Maintain family time
He may not seem interested in spending time with the family but your teenage son needs that family connection. You don’t have to have nightly family dinners to have family time but actively work to create time and activities you can do together. Soon enough your son will move on, out of your house, so establish the time and connection while you can. Have movie nights, go for hikes, take him to concerts. Spending time with your son was probably easier when he was younger and you could dictate the time, but spending time with your teenage son is crucial when he gets to high school as other obligations start to emerge and will take up all of his time if you don’t protect it.
4- Encourage service to others
Volunteer hours can often be seen as a requirement for certain high school clubs or a way to boost college applications. But volunteering gives your son a place in community and allows him to recognize his ability to help serve others. Shelving books at the public library, coaching neighborhood kids in baseball, or serving meals to the homeless can all demonstrate to your son the importance of being involved with something bigger than himself while he helps make the world a better place.
5- Enjoy this phase
Having a high school son is an adventure so enjoy the ride. Find the positive in every day to focus on even if it is seemingly tiny, like he did not argue when it was time to finish a project. Remember that the challenges are likely to be fleeting, seek support where you need it, and enjoy the freedom that can come for the parents as our children get older and move into high school. Soon enough, like our older two sons, he’ll be heading out of the house and off to college or other endeavors. So enjoy it while you can.