How can I handle summer parenting teenage boys?

Tips for managing this time of the year

We have moved our two college boys home for the summer and have our high school son here too. It is the first time we have all three boys under one roof for an extended period of time in about two years. While it is exciting to have them all back together, it also is a bit of an adjustment, as we have spent the last 10 months adapting to life with one teenage boy in the house and now we are back up to three. Bringing the college boys back home involves incorporating their needs and schedules but also requires them adjusting to being back under the watchful eye of their parents, without freedom they had been used to living on their own at college. As we transition into summer, I am trying to remember five things that this phase of life is about to make it easier on all of us:

1) It’s about managing expectations.

During the dreary days of winter, I fantasize about summer and lazy nights on the porch by the grill or trips to the lake. Knowing my college kids would be coming home, I envisioned lots of time spent together, laughing, and catching up on the antics of the school year. But there is also a reality of work and cleaning and only so many hours in a day to get everything done. I try to be careful about what my expectations are for time with my teenage sons. They have their own lives and jobs and friendships over the summer so I try to be realistic about what to expect from them.

2) It’s about communication.

In order to keep a harmonious house when there are a bunch of teenagers under one roof, communication is key. It is crucial to let them know what our family commitments are, with dinners and other events. The boys know to let me know when they have scheduled band practice or a night out with friends. Keeping daily communication reminds us that we are all a family, even if, during the school year, everyone is in different places. Cohabitating peacefully over the summer is a time to further develop our communication as a family.

3) It’s about schedules.

Summer can be fun and relaxing because we are not bound by the school schedule and all of the extracurricular activities that come with it. But too much free time, with teenage boys, may not be the best thing. As adults, we often have to keep working over the summer while our teenage sons expect a little more leeway. They need some structure, though, even during the summer so help them set a schedule. A summer job or volunteering can provide those time demands for them, but you can also help. In addition, if you want to spend time with your teenage son over the summer, schedule an event, like a dinner out or a hike or a family weekend at the lake. Get it on the calendar and be intentional with how time should be spent.

4) It’s about recharging.

Kids, even those in college, work hard during the school year and often need a break to recharge and relax. Allow them that in the summer. I am trying to keep in mind that, even though my work does not stop during the summer, the boys are having a much needed break from school and deserve a chance to recharge. Sure there are things to do but pretty soon it will be August and everyone will head back to school, so the focus is on them being able to recharge while they are all at home.

5) It’s about family and fun.

Like a lot of moms, I love having all of my boys under one roof. I enjoy spending time with them and want all of us to stay connected as they get older and move into adulthood. This summer, with them all at home, I am trying to stay focused on the big picture and remember to have fun. Yes, it is messy and there is more food needed in the house, but this is family. Summer can allow us to focus on having fun and being a family together.