How can I help guide my teenage son towards the next step after high school?
For some reason, we expect teenagers to be able to plan out the rest of their lives and choose the right college and major or career path right after high school. For teenage boys, this can be especially difficult with education systems that may not understand their strengths or parents who may not know how to advise them. In full disclosure, I went to a small liberal arts college and majored in German so I could easily spend my junior year abroad. Then I did a complete pivot and got a Masters and a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology. My own educational and professional path is not exactly linear and could not have been predicted in high school, so I may not be the best person to talk about guiding our teenage sons in the next step. But, actually, my own experience has helped shaped my approach with my own teenage sons and how parents can guide teenage boys into the next step. We currently have two sons in college and one in high school. The high schooler wants to go to college, but that’s about as far as he’s gotten. He is starting to think about where he wants to go and what he wants to study. With no set career dream, and a bit of an overly analytical son, we, as parents, are trying to gently guide but not push. The question is, how can I help guide my teenage son towards the next step after high school?
1) Focus on his strengths.
I have heard parents say, to their argumentative young sons, “You should be a lawyer.” While somewhat comical, it should shape our approach to guiding our teenage sons into their futures. Think about your teenage son and his strengths. What subject does he enjoy learning the most about in school? If he is not interested in studying, what is he interested in and what is he good at? Does he like taking apart car engines and putting them back together? How does he spend his free time? Take the observer role and identify your son’s strengths and bring them to his attention. His strengths can provide a foundation for career options about his future.
2) Be realistic about money.
Once our teenage sons graduate from high school, the expectation is that they will work in order to provide for themselves and, perhaps, their own future families. Money should not be the single deciding factor in pursuing a career path, but our teenage sons should have a realistic view of the costs and rewards of certain occupations. Will they be able to earn scholarships for education? Does their career path require graduate school? Do they want to work 20 hours a week and spend the rest of their time surfing? Help guide them towards a realistic view of money and the cost of living as well as quality of life. Our oldest son made great money last summer working in the public works department for a resort town emptying trash cans and mowing grass. While the money was great, he has other goals for his future with the understanding of potential future income. Be sure your son has a realistic view of his financial future.
3) Let him teach you.
Our middle son, from an early age, had declared he wanted to go to medical school. At some point in high school, though, he changed his mind and told us he was thinking about studying aerospace engineering. You can imagine that his two psychologist parents said, “okay” while knowing nothing about the field of aerospace engineering and frankly what that even meant. So we started asking questions and listened as he shared with us HIS knowledge about the field, his education and future career plans. He had explored possibilities with the help of two trusted teachers and had clear ideas about his future. Your teenage son can shine if you let him teach you about his interests and what he is thinking of pursuing in the next phase after high school.
4) Be willing to seek input from other adults.
As parents, when we are guiding our teenage sons towards their futures, we have to be willing to branch out and explore possibilities with them. Sometimes that might mean calling in other adults, talking to our own friends in other careers, and introducing our sons to other professionals. If your son is really good with his hands and wants to make things, seek out craftsmen in your area. Look for apprenticeships with your son. Sometimes it means helping him find a summer job or internship in high school that might spark an interest. Take an active role to explore possibilities for the future with your son by involving others in your community who might help.
5) It is his journey.
Perhaps the most important part of guiding your teenage son from high school into his future is remembering that it is his journey. We have each, as parents, had journeys that, upon reflection we might have changed, but our sons are not living our journey. Your teenage is living his life and your job, as a parent, is to support and guide him into the next phase of life but not direct.