How can we wrap up one year and prepare for the next?
Tips for using those extra moments as parents of teenage boys
December is typically a crazy time of year for most people, especially parents of teenage boys. While our boys are taking exams and spending time with friends, we, as parents, are often doing last-minute shopping, trying to make the holidays “perfect” and hoping for some good quality family time, all in addition to work and other priorities (unfortunately we still have to do laundry over the holidays). We all know how important it is to slow down and be in the moment, but I also think it is important to be intentional about our time. For my final post of 2023 (I’ll be back to regular posts Jan. 4th), I share the five ways that we can try to use our time during the holidays to propel us into a successful new year as parents of teenage boys:
1) Reflecting
Think about the past year as a parent. What has worked? What hasn’t? What are the circumstances that you feel like you handled well? Where were the mistakes and how did you deal with them? Reflection allows us to look back at how we behaved and felt in the past and learn from our experiences. Make a list of situations that arose this past year in your parenting journey and how you responded. Look for patterns and think about changes you might want to make.
2) Planning
The end of the year is a great time to plan for the year ahead. Instead of planning the day to day, think about big picture stuff. What does your teenage son have coming up in the next year that you can anticipate? Our youngest son will start driving next year. Even though we’ve been through this twice before, we know it will take some mental and emotional preparation (and more practice driving time) before we feel somewhat okay with sending him out into the world alone. Maybe your son is anticipating college decisions or changing schools or facing a challenging sports season. Try to anticipate those events for which you can plan and have a structure in place for coping with upcoming changes. While we are trying to incorporate more practice driving time to improve everyone’s confidence (future driver AND his parents), you might need to go ahead and set your son up with a tutor to cope with a challenging class or voice expectations of the family evening routine to allow for more downtime. Look ahead and develop a plan for what you see coming in the upcoming year.
3) Incorporating joyful moments
Think about what brings YOU joy and incorporate that into your holiday season. You don’t have to try to anticipate what might bring your son joy but do something for you and bring him along for the ride. This year I have scheduled a Christmas lights tour. When the boys were little, we used to ride around in the car looking at lights. This went by the wayside, though, as the boys got older and evenings during the holidays were packed with practices, studying for exams, and just exhaustion. I also gave up trying to research and keep track of where the good lights were and planning a route. I have missed it, though, so this year I bought tickets for a tour that benefits a local charity. I knew it would bring me joy and I know they’ll all enjoy it. If our teenage sons see us experiencing joy, they will likely experience joy as well.
4) Remembering yourself as an individual
As we wrap up another year of parenting teenage boys it can be easy to look at your journey solely from the perspective of being a parent. It can be all-encompassing. While yes, you are a parent, you are also an individual. Spend some time looking to the upcoming year and think about what YOU want to accomplish in the world and how YOU want to spend your time. Soon enough your teenager won’t be a teenager anymore and will be out on his own. On this parenting journey remember that you need to spend time on yourself as well as your family.
5) Resting and recharging
I think there are very few people (if any) who are reading this who get enough rest. There are only 24 hours in a day but you do need to devote enough time in your day to get enough rest. The holidays are a good time to examine our rest schedule. Prioritize sleep. Maybe you have to say no to social events or move around work meetings or exercise but be sure you are getting enough sleep. If your teenage son is home from school, encourage him to rest but also include him in daily tasks so that you can also get more rest.