How can you help your teenage son be a good leader?
Don't ignore his potential but don't force it
When our middle son was in the 10th grade, he came home and announced he was running for class vice-president. Excited for him and this new opportunity, we signed off on his paperwork to get turned in the next day. A few days later, he had not mentioned the speech he needed to prepare or the additional essays to be written, so I asked where he stood on it all. “I’ve decided not to run.” Turns out one of his best friends was also running for class vice-president and our son decided he didn’t want to have to run against him so he was dropping out. A few years later, when our youngest was entering the 10th grade, he announced he was running for class president. Since we had been through this before, we figured once he realized some of his friends were running that he would drop out. Instead, he was energized by the fact that there were NINE other opponents, three of whom were good friends of his and one of whom he accurately predicted would win. But he went all in on the running, developing his slogan, with help from his brothers, and writing a great speech, with help from his grandparents. Our son gave it everything and even though he lost, he was still able to be involved in student government and had nothing but good things to say about the experience.
With both sons, we had not identified them as school leaders, or even suggested they run, but supported their desire to attempt a leadership role. We need to continue to support our teenage sons to pursue leadership roles. If you see potential in your teenage son, that he’s organized and can get things done, how can you help your teenage son be a leader?
1) Encourage him to put himself out there.
Your teenage son might need some gentle encouragement to take a social risk. Even if you know he may not win, encourage him to run for leadership positions especially if he comes to you with the idea. These experiences can force him out of his comfort zone and into real life. Our son ran for president knowing he had tough competition. But he dressed up and gave a speech in front of his whole grade, something he would not have done otherwise. And he really enjoyed it.
2) Equate leadership in high school with leadership in adulthood.
I know, I know, high school is NOT a microcosm of the real world (thank goodness). But developing leadership skills in high school can help your teenage son carry those skills into the real world. If your teenage son is invested in leadership, he will see the importance of leading across the lifespan. Adolescence is a time for your son to develop skills that will serve him well in life.
3) Our teenage boys need to try new things.
It is easy for all of us to get complacent and stuck in a routine. Even if you don’t see leadership potential in your son, he needs to try new things because you never know what skills might be just below the surface waiting to emerge. Have him take the risks that might work out in his favor and show a different side of him. Our youngest son chose to try something new and developed a confidence that has continued, even though he lost the presidential election.
4) Give your teenage son time.
If you see your son as a great potential leader, high school might not be his time to shine. Our oldest son never showed any interest in leadership in high school. But when he went to college, he took a leadership role in his fraternity pledge class. You can’t push your teenage son to be a leader. Wait it out. Maybe it’ll happen in college. Or maybe it’ll happen when he gets settled into his career or community. Your teenage son’s leadership is not for you to direct. But you can gently guide him and wait and see where he thrives.
5) Not everyone needs a leadership role to be a leader.
When we talk about our teenage sons and leadership, it is important to remember that you do NOT have to have a leadership role in order to be a leader. Leaders take different forms. Your teenage son can be a leader among his friends. Or in a specific classroom. Or in your community. Or in your household. The point is that we need to support our teenage sons to be leaders, whatever that looks like.