My son is failing a class. What do I do?
It is not for you to fix but there are some tips that may help.
When I went to college, I failed the first test I took, despite having been a straight A student throughout high school. And ironically, it was in Psychology 101, so obviously I ended up ok and learning the material but it was an eye-opener for sure. We all have different educational paths and our teenage sons are no different. As parents, we have expectations for our sons and I often hear from panicked parents when their sons have failed a test at school, or worse, an entire class. The impulse can be to swoop in, blame the teacher, or prepare for disaster. But before going to those lengths, these tips can help you and your teenage son:
1- Look at how he is spending his time.
Is your son failing a class because he is busy doing other activities (sports, video games, hanging out with his friends)? Our teenage sons are stretched thin and often have hours of extracurricular activities after the school day ends. A truthful look at how he is spending his time can give you clues on your son’s effort and how much time he is devoting to school and studying.
2- Help him structure his time.
When our teenage sons are struggling, we, as parents, can tend to try to hover and micromanage their affairs. If your son is failing a class, it is important to remember you cannot do the work for him. This is HIS learning process. However, you can help him figure out how to structure his time. Show him how to set alarms to allot small chunks of time to study and then take a break. Help him set up his environment, even if it is a quiet spot in the kitchen, in a way that is conducive to his study habits. Often our teenage sons are expected to study but are not taught the study skills that will carry them through high school.
3- Get him evaluated.
Let me say that just because your son is failing a class does not mean you need to rush him to the doctor to see what is wrong. But if he’s failing, there could be something impacting these difficulties. A psychologist can provide diagnosis and guidance if there are underlying learning or mood difficulties related to school performance. Depression, ADHD, or a learning disorder could each be a factor related to school failure in your teenage son. Having him evaluated could help you understand your teenage son and give him treatment or tools to help with academic performance.
4- Encourage curiosity.
When our young sons start school, we cannot imagine, as parents, that they will ever fail. But not every child is suited for traditional learning environments and you are often at the mercy of your school system and educational opportunities for your child. Before they reach adolescence, you can encourage a general curiosity in your son that will help him when learning becomes difficult. Talk to your son about topics of interest, show him nature, and help him develop a natural curiosity that will guide him through learning. Even though he may not respond well to traditional schooling, a curiosity can provide him with a future oriented view of how to earn a living and provide for himself and others.
5- Take a deep breath and remember the big picture.
In parenting teenage sons, a crisis can seem all-encompassing. It can seem like the end of the world. But when you find out your son has failed a test or is failing a class, it is also important to keep it in perspective. There is a lot of learning ahead of your son, regardless of where he currently is in school, so address it but also remember it is not the end of the world. This is merely one moment in time and your son can move ahead and learn from this.