For my first post of 2024, I don’t want to talk about new year’s resolutions. That content is everywhere and we are inundated with messages about setting new year’s resolutions but knowing that they will fail. When it comes to parenting teenage boys, it sometimes feels like new year, same problems. There are difficulties inherent in what we are doing and the parenting journey is not linear, especially with teenage boys. New year’s day is not magically different from new year’s eve. The struggles we faced last year will continue and may also change this year. But my goal for this newsletter is to keep the focus on what we, as parents, can do. As we move into the new year, I want to express my intentions for this weekly newsletter moving forward.
1) Provide information.
In the internet age it seems like everything can be answered through a quick google search. But how do you know what you are finding is an actual reliable answer? As a psychologist and a parent, I aim to pass along research findings that will help all of us in our journey parenting teenage boys. Parenting does not come with a handbook. If it did, it would have to change with each developmental stage and depend on the specific parents themselves. So having factual information about our teenage sons and parenting can help us adopt the practices that work best in our specific situation. Information and research studies can also help prepare us for what may be further down the road in our parenting journey.
2) Be objective.
It can be easy to promote certain parenting practices. Do a quick amazon search or look up parenting podcasts and you’ll see numerous approaches to parenting. However, for many, parenting young kids is different from parenting teenagers. In addition, we all approach parenting based on a variety of other factors, including how we were parented, what is happening in our own lives and relationships, economic stressors, and specific demands of each child. While providing information as I mentioned above, I hope to be objective in doing so, such that you can choose what might work for you. We all likely have to cope with others judging our parenting, but I want to focus on what we know about what works and what does not, in a way that does not imply that you are doing it wrong.
3) Make it less lonely.
Let’s be honest, parenting teenage boys can be a lonely experience. I have talked about it before, but no one really wants to openly confess the trials and tribulations of their sons to others. We, as parents, can feel blamed when our sons mess up, or worry about judgment from others. I want you to feel connected to others as you read this, knowing that there are many of us in similar situations including those reading each week. We need community, as parents, however we can find it. When this gets sent to your inbox, I want to be sure you know that others are receiving it as well and there are many of us who struggle along the way.
4) Be consistent.
These newsletters will be sent out every Thursday. My intent is not only to commit to a regular schedule, which helps me thrive, but also to regularly remind you that, no matter what is happening in your life, we can continue to take a few minutes each week to check in with our own parenting of teenage boys. The consistency of this in your inbox each Thursday will hopefully provide you with a reminder to keep moving forward.
5) Promote positivity.
It can be REALLY easy to get bogged down in the negativity and sludge of parenting teenage boys. But there are fun parts too so I want to be sure to help you connect with those as well. For example, my two college sons are home for the holiday break. While I am spending more money on food and they are coming and going at various times, I smile listening to the extra footsteps around the house and embrace the late night chats on the couch as they come in after catching up with their high school friends at night. Let’s be realistic about the challenges of parenting teenage boys but also acknowledge the fun along the journey.
I am looking forward to this year and this Substack.