Happy Thanksgiving to everyone reading today! My hope is that each of you are having a peaceful day with your families. Our day will include a lot of turkey, a little football, and hopefully a house filled with chatting and laughter. However, I also know the chaos that can descend upon holidays with family dynamics and changing expectations shattering the picture-perfect day we envision. Sometimes, instead of joyous celebration, just getting by and making it through the day is enough to be considered a success. As a parent with teenage boys, it is important to base your expectations for any holiday celebration in reality. How are things generally going with your teenage son and the family as a whole? You cannot expect relationships to magically change just because it is Thanksgiving. But you can use communication to express your feelings and say directly how you want the day to go, what you hope for, and what you need. And you can give yourself and your teenage son a break. Find the bare minimum that can be done to keep the peace.
With all of that said, today is a day of thanks. We need to approach the day with gratitude, even if that does not look the way we idealize. We can find gratitude in the smallest part of living, such as the shining sun or having a meal prepared by someone else. This Thanksgiving, we can try to model gratitude for our teenage sons. I am thankful for these five things this Thanksgiving:
1- All of my teenage boys under one roof.
With one a freshman in college and one a senior in high school, it is rare for everyone to be together. As their mom, I want my teenage sons to be close and connected. Plus, I like being around them and hearing their stories and points of view. Having them all under one roof gives me a sense of security and I am thankful for that today.
2- Boys can help with house prep and clean up.
When the boys were younger, hosting a holiday gathering involved a lot of damage control. Don’t touch that! Stop fighting! I just cleaned that! Put the toys away! But now that they are teenagers, the boys can be a part of the process. I have built in helpers to whom I can delegate those last minute tasks before guests arrive. I’m not sure they are exactly willing helpers and may try to protest, but the promise of turkey and dessert can be persuasive.
3- Protecting the family traditions.
When I think about holidays, like Thanksgiving, I think about the traditions that I grew up with, what I enjoyed, and what I want my sons to continue. As parents, we want to send our children into adulthood with family traditions to remember and continue. This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for little traditions like setting the table, decorating the house with pumpkins, using my wedding china, and lunch with family. There may be new traditions, like playing cards in the afternoon, but carrying on traditions with my teenage sons that I grew up with is an important part of Thanksgiving now that they are older and can see the link between past and present.
4- Marking the beginning of the holiday season.
Thanksgiving tends to mark the beginning of a general holiday season that carries through the end of the year. As my boys get older it is nice to share the celebrations with them and reminisce about past holidays. Being teenagers, they can share what they enjoy and what they don’t and we can discuss how to try to make the holiday season a happy time for all. My hope is that they are tied to some of the fun times we have tried to have over the years and that Thanksgiving marks the beginning of holiday fun for this year.
5- Being present in this day, this year.
Holidays always come with chaos and I have no doubt that Thanksgiving is going to be any different. However, watching my sons grow into men has taught me to try to stay present in the moment. Particularly having one son away at college, it has become apparent to enjoy each moment for what it is, not worrying about what happens next or what happened before. I am going to try to stay present, cherish the moments, and appreciate everyone I am with for where they are and stay grounded in the day and the experience. Today is a day of gratitude and I will seek to find gratitude in each moment.