What do I do if I think my teenage son has too many activities?
Tips for navigating his many commitments
It is the time of year where school is back in session and activities start to ramp up. When our sons were young, we, as parents, were responsible for signing them up for activities, filling time with what we thought they should be doing and what was available. We did our research, talked to other parents, looked at our family schedule, and completed registrations for sports and music lessons. Once they become teenagers, though, our sons develop more control over their own schedules and focus on activities they want to pursue. For some parents, getting teenage sons involved in activities can be a chore as he may not want to do anything. For other families, though, teenage sons, in addition to school, want to be involved in many different activities. He may play a team sport that goes year-round. He may want after school tutoring. He may play an instrument and get involved in a band. He may compete in mountain bike races. He may volunteer in the community. He may have a part-time job. Or he may do all of these things. During this time of year, we start to see when our teenage sons are overscheduled and worry about what needs to give in order to free up more time for him. What are we, as parents, to do when our teenage sons are overscheduled?
1-Identify the consequences and address those first.
During the school week, from the time he gets up until the time he goes to sleep, our teenage son stays busy. If you find your teenage son has too many activities for you to keep up with, take a good look at what the consequences are. Maybe he can manage it all. We have a teenage son who actually is better off the more he has structuring his time. But what if he becomes so busy that he runs out of time to get everything done? Or what if he stays so busy that he is not sleeping? Or what if he starts failing a class because he doesn’t have time to get all of his homework done? Or what if he starts skipping meals because he doesn’t have time to eat dinner with the family? Take a good look at the consequences of a busy schedule and address the immediate problems first.
2-Encourage his attention to his mental and physical health.
If you find your teenage son is overscheduled, talk to him about his mental and physical health. How can he protect his health? Eating well, exercise, sleep, being around others- these are all known to positively impact mental and physical health and need to be prioritized, especially for our teenage sons. Maybe an activity needs to be tabled for a bit so that he can get more sleep. Or maybe he needs to change the way he views soccer practice, recognizing it is the only physical activity he gets during the week. If an activity, like art, takes up a lot of his time but brings him joy, allow him to continue, remembering that this is the time in his life when your teenage son needs to try different things to find what he enjoys, which can then promote mental and physical health.
3-Adapt along with him.
Families have to change, depending on the activities and schedules of each of the members. If you find that your teenage son has developed a packed schedule, find ways that you can adapt along with him. Maybe you have dinner ready earlier in the day so he can eat as he has time. Or maybe you allow him to study in the car rather than peppering him with questions about his day. You may have to adapt your own schedule or you may have to adapt your expectations as he adds new demands to his schedule. Try to remember the temporary nature of having your teenage son at home and the changing schedules, so adapt and manage the best you can.
4-Explore why he is doing it all.
Parenting teenage sons can easily involve pushing him to be all things. The teenage years, though, are the time for parents to start to step back and let their teenage sons take the lead on activities. Let him decide if it is worth it to HIM to keep pursuing an activity or start a new one but be sure he is doing it for himself. Not for college applications. Not to please you or other family members. Not because all of his friends are doing it. But because he wants to do it. Adulthood involves managing many different obligations and time commitments, so the teenage years can be good practice for your son, but make sure he is pursuing various activities for the right reasons.
5-Remember time will go by quickly.
It is so cliché I hate to even say it, but the teenage years will be done in a flash. That does not mean your parenting will be ending, of course, but when we are coping with our overscheduled teenage son, we need to be reminded that this is a phase of life and will not always remain the same. Help your teenage son navigate the challenges of a packed schedule but know that this is part of preparing him for life on his own and setting up the skills so that he can manage the demands of adulthood as well.