What do I want my teenage son to take to college?

Five lessons to send him on his way

While I don’t think that college is the only path after high school, many of us (myself included) have sons who will graduate high school this spring and then head to college in the fall. Before I get weepy about the fact that my son is leaving, I try to focus on all of the adventures awaiting this young adult as he soars out of the nest and off on his own. But I am also made aware of the short amount of time that I have left with him living, full time, under the same roof and interacting with me on a daily basis. With that short amount of time, I know there are many conversations I want to have, while there is still time with him at home, before he leaves. Some are big but others are small but there will be much to cover over the next few months before he leaves. As we move forward with these conversations over the next few months, there are five general lessons I want to be sure my son takes with him when he goes off to college:

1-You can always change your mind, change your major, or change your school.

The college search seems daunting and permanent. We help our sons find the school that is the best fit that will be their home for the next four years and set the path for the rest of their lives. That is a huge undertaking for a 17 year old. I want my son to know that he can always change his mind. He can change his major if he gets into the classes and wants to pursue another direction. He can transfer schools or take a break. Nothing in this college process is permanent which can hopefully take the pressure off of him feeling stuck if something feels off.

2-Show up on time.

When I was a college professor I always noticed when students were late. I had a generally accommodating approach, though, and always appreciated it when students came up to me after class to explain. It happens that you oversleep because you stayed up late studying or you got caught up in the coffee line. But when students were habitually late to class it was disruptive and also made me less likely to feel bad when they begged for bonus points at the end of the semester when they had no good reason for being late. Your professors expect you to be there on time, just like your friends expect you to be on time. When you make a plan, be the guy that shows up on time.

3-Look out for others.

Going off to college, without the careful watch of parents, can lead some young adults to make questionable decisions. When you see someone in a situation that does not feel right, make sure you look out for them. Help the girl get home safely from the party when she is walking home alone. Tutor your friend who is failing math. College is such a wonderful opportunity for community so do your part and take care of those around you.

4-Protect your mental health.

College comes with a lot of freedom but also a lot of potential instability. Surely being raised by two psychologists has helped my sons recognize the importance of mental health but I want him to create healthy routines and structure where he can. Sleep. Eat whole foods. Get some exercise. Take in the sunshine. Talk to others. Yes, classes and school work are the reason he is at college, setting up good work habits and the foundation for the future. But I want him to know to reach out if he is struggling. When our sons are in our home it might be easier to see the struggles. When they move out we have to rely on what they tell us. So I want my son to know to take care of his mental health and we are always a phone call away.

5-Have fun.

Yes, I want my son to have fun. We all need to add more fun into our lives. Fun keeps us youthful and happy and satisfied with life. During the transition from childhood into adulthood, fun might be one aspect of life that falls to the wayside. But I want my son to keep it up. Find a way to incorporate fun into his life. Try new things and look for ways to have fun every day.