What if my teenage son is a picky eater?
I knew our middle son was a picky eater on his first birthday. We had been having minimal luck with introducing a variety of solid foods as guided by our pediatrician, who was, thankfully, not concerned about his growth. He lived primarily off of formula, oatmeal, and fruits. On his first birthday, we, of course, had cake but were surprised he did not seem interested in tasting the cake or the frosting he played with. When I put a tiny dab of frosting on his tongue, innocently thinking he would love the sugar, he proceeded to gag and throw up.
As parents, once our babies are born, we are inundated with messages about how to feed our children. They move into the teenage years and concerns grow for eating disorders and establishing lifelong healthy eating behaviors but we persist and try to provide the best options we can. As a child psychologist, when our picky eater was younger, I tried to use behavioral principles and reinforcement to encourage trying a variety of foods but the resistance became increasingly difficult. After a discussion with our pediatrician, who was pleased by his growth and activity level and suggested we back off trying to change his eating, we decided to take some of the pressure and fear off and manage his eating the best we could. He has continued to be a picky eater into adolescence, though his diet has expanded, AND he seems healthy and happy.
While much of the research on eating and teenage boys has focused on body image and eating disorders, picky eating deserves some attention. The worry parents feel about the impact of their son’s food choices on his health and well-being can make mealtimes stressful and create some sleepless nights even when your son reaches adolescence. But what we can we do, as parents, when our teenage son is a picky eater?
1-Manage your expectations.
As parents, we often project our own thoughts about food and eating onto our children. So think about what your expectations are for your teenage son and his eating. Consult with a pediatrician or a nutritionist to get advice if you need to. In our case, though, some of our teenage son’s problematic eating fixed itself as he was involved in sports. Our picky eater expanded his diet once it became apparent to him that he was having difficulty with strength and endurance. He looked to his peers for suggestions on what foods he could add that he might like.
2-Get him involved in meals.
Before he leaves your house, your son needs to learn how to cook at least basic meals. When your teenage son becomes more involved in meal planning and preparation, he might be more likely to try new foods. Talk to him about what you are planning for Even if he does not try the foods, getting him to help with planning, shopping, and preparing can expose him to a variety of foods and normalize trying new things. Plus it is always nice to have the help.
3-Talk with concern, not with scolding.
If you have a son who is a picky eater, and has always been a picky eater, address your concerns with him in a way that expresses concern, not in a way that appears demonstrative or scolding. Teenage boys will respond better to explanations of why you are noticing what they are (or are not) eating and what your worries are. You do not want discussions about diet to impact your relationship with your son in a negative way, so discuss how you feel, what you see as his parent, and why you feel it is important. And be sure to come from a place of concern.
4-Watch for physical changes.
It is natural for you, as your teenage son’s caretaker, to notice physical changes. As you monitor physical changes, stay in communication with his doctor if you need to. Is he trying to lose weight or cut weight for a sport? Do you worry about his pickiness turning into a restricted diet? Eating disorders impact teenage boys so keep an eye out for changes in his food consumption and physical condition.
5-Turn some of the decisions over to your son.
As a family with three teenage boys, we often prepare meals at home. There are options for our picky eater but we find that allowing him a choice of foods can encourage trying new things and gives him more control over his own diet. When we go out to eat, we allow our sons to choose what they wants to eat, knowing often that the restaurants offer potential options beyond chicken fingers. As he gets older and prepares for college, we know that we will not be there to monitor what he is eating but he knows the basics of nutrition, how he feels when he etas well, and the importance of variety in what he eats.