Why is my teenage son not sleeping?

Help him build habits for good sleep to carry into adulthood.

Since our boys were babies our family has been focused on sleep. When will he sleep through the night? Why won’t he nap? Why is he napping so frequently? Why does it take him so long to go to sleep? Should I wake him up? Is he sleeping too long? Not enough? Interestingly, these questions are ones I asked when they were babies but also when they became teenagers. Experts say our teenagers need 8-10 hours of sleep and most (some survey data indicates up to 80% of teens) do NOT get 8 hours of sleep per night. Sleep can be a struggle for a lot of us, at any age. As parents, we are particularly attuned to sleep habits in our children and worry when our teenage sons are not getting enough sleep.

Teenage boys tend to have daily schedules that are filled with school, sports, music, homework, jobs, friends, family, and chores. Some activities, like school or practices, typically have specific time constraints. As they manage all of their activities, teenage boys learn valuable skills, like time management, but also learn how to get everything done that needs to be done. But, as often happens with adults, teenage boys also learn that the first thing to sacrifice when looking for more time tends to be sleep. So what are we, as parents to do, when we worry about our teenage sons and whether they are getting enough sleep?

1-Take a hard look at what his activities are.

As parents in today’s world, we can all fall victim to overscheduling our sons. By the time he is a teenager, though, he typically has demonstrated how HE wants to spend his time outside of school, what his interests are, and what his role in the family is regarding work or chores. If you worry about your teenage son’s sleep, do an audit of his activities. How is he spending all the hours in a day? Are there enough hours for what he wants to do? When your son plays for a demanding football team and wants to add in guitar lessons, have a long conversation about where that time will come from. Can he give something up? We all want our teenage sons to do everything but when it comes to sacrificing sleep, it is time to make those tough decisions.

2-Let him sleep when he can.

We know our teenage sons need sleep and if they can, we need to be okay with them catching up on some sleep on the weekends. Yes, we have let our sons sleep until 2pm on a Saturday when there was nothing going on that day. It may seem like he is wasting time when he could be doing other things (like helping us around the house) but giving him a few extra hours to catch up on sleep would be beneficial to his health and well-being. Or let him take a nap when he gets home after school/practice/work. As parents, we may have our own struggles with sleep or may have had different experiences as teenagers, but if your son needs sleep, try to let him sleep when he can.

3-Talk to him about sleep hygiene habits.

Most teenage boys, even those being raised by two psychologists, do not tend to think much about sleep hygiene, the importance of good sleep, and how best to help themselves sleep. Have a conversation with your son about what works for YOU when it comes to sleep habits and help him develop ideas about what might work for him. Gone are the days when you put your child to bed at a certain time and say goodnight, but you can still help him create an environment and routine that is conducive to good sleep. Putting black-out curtains can help him sleep in on Saturdays, having white noise can help prevent waking at the slightest noise, and staying off of his phone for an hour before he wants to go to sleep can all be techniques he has not tried and that might improve his sleep. Set expectations about a bedtime routine and talk to your son about why routines are important for sleep.

4-Encourage overall healthy habits.

Sleep is an important part of mental and physical health. As we encourage our teenage sons to develop healthy sleep habits, we are also encouraging them to develop general healthy habits that can serve him well as he moves out into the world. Talking to him about the importance of sleep, diet, exercise, social connectedness, and meaning can all provide well-being. Sleep is one component, but an important component nonetheless. If you can help your son develop good sleep habits during his teenage years, these habits are more likely to persist into adulthood and hopefully translate into other healthy habits to promote mental and physical health.

5-Seek help if you think sleep is a problem, but also remember this is a phase of life.

You know your son best so if you think sleep is a serious problem, talk to his pediatrician. Get an expert opinion. Make sure there is nothing else happening (like depression, drug use, social difficulties, anxiety) that is impacting his sleep and needs to be addressed. Lots of resources can help guide you to target your son’s specific needs. But also remember that lack of sleep is common, particularly among teenagers, so try to establish habits that will carry into adulthood but remember that adolescence is one phase of life. Give him the tools he needs, teach him how to use them, and then hope that he uses them.

Comment below if you have questions or something you’ve found that works for your teenage son. If you have topics you’d like to see covered in future newsletters, or specific questions you are looking for answers to, Click here to let me hear from you!