Why should I drive carpool for my teenage son?
Our youngest son is about to turn 16, which means he will be getting his driver’s license shortly. Although research shows that teenagers in the United States are driving less and many teens do not get a driver’s license, our boys have all been excited for the day they turn 16 and can drive on their own. The youngest is no different from his older brothers. Having a young driver definitely changes the daily dynamic in a family, freeing up time for adults and adding a new level of worry and responsibility. The approach of teenage driving means that the days of carting your sons, and their friends, to school, sports, activities, or another friend’s house, are dwindling. But during the teenage years, before he starts driving on his own, there are benefits to driving your teenage son’s carpool:
1) You’ll be given insight into your son and how he acts around his peers.
When you drive around with your teenage son and other teenage boys, it can give you a glimpse into his behavior. More specifically, his behavior around his peers, which may be different from how he acts just around his parents. To be fair, it does not give you a perfect picture, as you are still there as an observer, but you can see if he talks, makes jokes, is quiet, is annoying, or does his own thing. In addition, you can see how your teenage son’s peers act around adults. Carpooling can give you great insight into teenage boy behavior with a wider sample than the boy who lives in your own house.
2) It teaches your teenage son about community.
When you take your son, along with other kids, to an activity, you are helping other parents. Whether you are taking turns or helping a family with working parents, driving carpool is contributing to community. Your son is learning, as a result, how to be a part of his community and how to help others. Our teenage boys need to go places and unless he can walk or take public transportation there, he will need a ride. To be honest, when our boys were younger, I never loved carpools because it was all I could do to manage our own family schedule, much less coordinate with others. But we learned quickly that we needed to rely on others and help others when they needed us to carpool their sons too.
3) Take the time with your teenage son whenever you can get it.
Carpooling your teenage son puts you in the car with him. Quality time together does not have to be at the dinner table. Let’s face it, a lot of our time as parents is spent in the car. If you view carpooling as quality time with your son it changes from obligation to enjoyment. We have heard community leaders and others advocate for family dinners, but time with our teenage sons can be enjoyed just as much in the car going to and from activities as it can sharing a meal around the table.
4) You can ask your teenage son questions in a non-threatening, more casual way in the car.
When we communicate with our teenage sons, the best way to do so is in a way that makes him comfortable enough to hear what you are trying to say and share how he is feeling. Your thirteen-year-old son is MUCH more likely to answer questions about what is really going on his life when you are driving next to him in the car, as opposed to sitting directly across from him at home. So use your carpool time, on the way to pick up other kids or after dropping them off, to ask your son those questions you might not get answers to otherwise. It might be surprising to hear some thoughtful responses.
5) It goes by fast and you might miss it.
I must confess that over the years I have not been great about carpool. It seemed, at times, like a never-ending grind. But now, it’s almost over. Truthfully, it is basically over because even though we are still a bit away from him driving, the youngest has friends and teammates who drive so he tends to turn to his peers for rides, instead of his parents. And now that my carpool days are over, it is possible that, at times, I just might miss it.